escapism

Like all high school students, I've been in a constant funk of heavily contemplating and questioning my distant future. I've come to many conclusions of what I want to be or who I want to be when I graduate, but of course, none of the career opportunities I find desirable are reasonable.

sunlight pouring through my shades

I've come to notice that most of the daydreams inside of my jumbled mind are manifested and represented quite accurately through my fingers and hands and feet, which are always animatedly tapping and clicking and are never still. All of my wants and my needs are all scattered all over the place; I want to be this and that and that and this and this and that. Although my thoughts and wants for the future are tangled and jumbled, they seem more tangible and lustful than what I actually do believe I will most likely become (a lifeless human clone slaving herself away in a cubicle for 6+ hours a day, six days a week). I feel as if the most discernible ideas in my life are my faint dreams and ideas and thoughts for my own personal future.

Not to sound like someone who suffers from dysphoria, but I do believe that I am generally happier when I'm deserted in my own little world, within the odd ends of my imagination. I don't know if this is a witching facet in every human being, but it is most definitely a prominent one in my personality.

I've been listening to a lot of Modest Mouse in the past few weeks, and I feel like their lyrics are a weird conglomeration of radical imagination and distant reality, something that leaves me feeling suspiciously whole.