reaching euphoria

       Every time I find myself feeling sad or down I tend to retreat back to the Internet; whether if it's through a phone or the computer. For some strange reason, it's more therapeutic to scroll down an Instagram feed and feel envious of people posting pictures of themselves attending concerts (that you're too young to attend; screw 18+ concerts) or showing affection to their significant others than to actually face your feelings and think about why you feel this way. In a weird sort of way, this closely relates to something that Louis C.K. mentioned about how human beings tend to block off any foreign feelings by chaining themselves to electronic devices, and what he mentioned is extremely true. Feeling sad? That's alright, just turn on TBS and watch reruns of The Office while you bury your sorrows. Feeling stressed? Shove your phone into your hands and listen to the pop hits radio station until you feel the least bit satisfied.
      Recently I've been feeling ''neutral'' quite often, or at least that's what I like to call it. The definition of feeling ''neutral'' in my book is that my emotions are at an equidistant mix between content, calm, but lonely, and it happens mostly when I'm alone in my room acting like my normal self. It's most likely caused by stress from school or personal situations between friends or family, but it's an odd thing to experience due to the fact that I've been feeling more content/confident with my self (physically, emotionally) recently. Whenever I feel ''sad'' emotions coming on, whether if it's just a spontaneous lack in positive endorphins or something brought on by watching a sad movie (GODDAMN EVERY TIME DURING THE LAST SONG), I'll log back onto my computer, if it isn't already connected to my hip, and scroll down my ''comforting'' Tumblr feed. But, in all seriousness, does that really make you feel better on a sonic level? How can an electronic devices solve all of your problems instantly? Is it really healthy to shove or block all ''foreign'' emotions passing through your body?
      So, like any normal teenage girl, I turned to my dad for answers, who conveniently studied the human body when he went to college. Upon asking him why he thought people turned to technology to cope with their overwhelming feelings, he had an instant response.
      ''People connect themselves to the Internet to feel happier with themselves because they are unable to connect with someone face-to-face, and are dependent on anonymity and instant gratification via the internet to truly feel human emotion. It's not necessarily a bad thing to find peace or happiness through solely-internet related things, such as slapstick videos on YouTube that can make you laugh or feel overjoyed, but it is a bad thing if you solely depend on slapstick videos on YouTube to provide you with a sense of gaiety.''
      I then asked him if it was ''healthy'' to ignore/try to push away foreign (e.g., sad or angry) emotions from passing through your body, and he responded with something that I think everyone should keep in mind. ''It is not healthy to shove emotions down. Our growth is dependent on our successful reactions to foreign stimuli and emotions. For example, if you only took in negative emotions or only took in positive emotions, we would be unable to successfully achieve homeostasis, or a state of well-being.''
       I suddenly began to take his information to heart, and I slowly realized that the reason why I try to seek instant gratification whenever I'm feeling down by using the Internet is because I am desperately seeking to fill an empty whole that sadness digs. So, that's why I keep myself busy by doing whatever I can to keep myself away from Tumblr or Twitter, or essentially, the Internet, whenever I'm down. I find that reading old issues of outdated magazines (shoutout to my dad for owning four year old Rolling Stone magazines) or stitching words into fabric nicely fills that ''hole'' and leaves me feeling content and restored. There is one quote that I adore and that surely sums up this whole situation: ''I'm too busy to pity myself, others, or my surroundings.''
      I'm still trying to find an alternative way to find mental peace and stillness whenever I feel disrupted or chaos occurring in my daily life, but when it comes, it'll come in waves.